The Agency That Sets The Marketing Bar
& Continues To Raise It

Miguel was raised by wolves.

Just like Selena Gomez.

Are they related?

Yes. But not in the genetic sense.

They both used to date Dave Chappelle’s mom and love pooping outdoors.

Being the heiress of Sandro Botticelli, it makes sense that Lindsay’s creativity matches that of the Sistine Chapel.

Yea.

That’s a pretty big f***ing deal.

If it were true.

Instead, Lindsay eats cannolis.

Dalton has hit some rough patches lately.

– Kid’s birthday parties that he used to DJ for have been shut down due to COVID-19.
– He paid $120 for a $24 box of Omaha Steaks (without any potato gratin).
– Stone stopped giving free Pantene Pro-V samples to him.

And to top it all off, his GoFundMe was featured on RuinMyWeek.com, only to be beat by the girl trying to raise money to remove her forehead tattoo.

#PrayersUp

Who else has a soft spot for rollerblading while wine tasting?

If it wasn’t for Christmas decorations, then we’re sure Beth would be the Michael Jordan of Roller Derbys.

Instead, she has that one month out of the year that complete f***s with her training routine.

Here’s a look at her last practice.

Not good.

NERD ALERT

You know you’re in deep when you justify enjoying:
– The Book of Boba Fett
– The Rise of Skywalker
– & Jabba The Hutt (in general)

His favorite candy is Skittles because it starts with the same letter as Star Wars?!

Jesus, Rob.

Vincent: “Knock knock”

KlientBoost: “Who’s there?”

Vincent: “The Jay-Z of Digital Marketing”

KlientBoost: “Who?”

Vincent: “The Jay-Z of….”

KlientBoost: “Cares?”

Johnathan has a spending problem. Don’t believe us?

How about a 26’ inflatable Santa, one of everything on restaurant menus, four ping pong tables, and a Onewheel skateboard that almost took his life, just to name a few.

He also thinks he’s an Instagram influencer with hopes and dreams of being sponsored by Truff Sauce, Nike, Space Jam, and the country of Denmark.

If you work with any of these organizations please hit him up @GoldChainDane and end our misery.

For someone who continuously likes to touch his own butt (see previous photoshoot pic here), Michael is surprisingly hands off.

Being the top Spotify ASMR artist 3 years in a row, Michael has won numerous (2) internal Grammys for his #1 track: “Sippin’ on La Croix”

Okay, we lied.

But he does like touching his own butt.

Kendra “accidentally” placed third in a marathon.

She “accidentally” flew to London during lockdown for a 36 hour vacation.

She “accidentally” runs Ina Garten’s (Barefoot Contessa) fan club of 103,704 members.

You’re f***ing wild, Kendra.

Never change.

Being the former brand ambassador, spokesperson, and fake CMO of Norms Restaurants, Jordyn knows a thing or two about marketing and steak for breakfast.

What are those things?

1. You can’t outrun 70s interior design, but you can try
2. Not a lot of people eat a 1 pound porterhouse steak & eggs for breakfast

What’s also cool about Jordyn you ask?

She keeps pushing the envelope with her latest attempt of eating pasta while thrift shopping.

Best part about having interns is that you can get them to do almost anything.

Set up Christmas lights? Check.
Hide Smirnoff Ice’s? Check.
Learn a little bit of marketing? Check.

We’re just waiting until we can send Hannah to go buy us more alcohol.

True intern ROI.

Before coming to KlientBoost, Matt used to be phenomenal at spelling.

Admiring Lance Armstrong while growing up (the doping part, not cycling), he’s now an avid smoker.

We’ve told him that he can do drugs without the bike riding part, but he insists on having the body weight (and shape) of a 12 year old boy.

When Jordan was ten years old, her tooth got knocked out while playing soccer – coach still made her play the rest of the game (swag).

She says her name is Jordan “Kaatz” because she’s always ready to “pounce”.

After she told us that, we were like.

We had to give her a subscription to Ancestry.com to show her family tree and explain how last names work.

You’ve never met a more American person than Courtney.

She got her first boyfriend using the pick up line: “On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?“

And if driving with the top off your Jeep, blasting Taylor Swift, and eating Freedom Fries doesn’t immediately make you want to pet your bald eagle, then can you really call yourself a patriot?

Also, her shower curtain is the Declaration of Independence.

Emil’s the weird type of person that just falls asleep in weird places and hopes to wake up with a new tattoo.

That’s how he said he got his pineapple tattoo in Nicaragua and fruit family sleeve in Japan.

Do we believe him?

Yes, because he also shares the same lower back tattoo with his mom.

Gabe isn’t your typical marketer.

He’s tiny and hard to find.

What’s even worse is that he loves wet clay (it’s a weakness of his).

Has he watched Ghost with Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore?

No.

But does he know how to work the clay? Absolutely.

Travis was once sponsored by NBA basketball star Corey Maggette.

In his younger days, Travis was apparently good at golf, so “good” he had to hunt for sugar daddies for financial support.

Did he ever make any of his sugar daddies money?

No.

Ivette has a turtle named Myrtle and dog named Bog.

She also has a cat named Rat and a bird named Turd.

Is she the modern day Steve Irwin?

Yes.

When it comes to her auditing the SEO of potential clients.

You know types of people who have superglued Minnie Mouse ears to their skull?

That’s Apryl.

Thinking that going to Disneyland will solve all her problems is the funnies thing we’ve ever experienced.

She does know that Disneyland is more expensive than therapy.

Right?

Call him old fashioned, but Jaime’s guiltiest pleasures is taking photos.

Photos of what you ask? 

We don’t ask those kinds of questions.

He says he’s had a NFC chip implant once, but he won’t tell us where it was on his body or what it did.

We’ll figure this out and report back.