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You might wonder why Graham looks like an innocent millennial who was born in St. Louis, Missouri, moved to Denver, and then moved to Orange County, CA, right?
We wondered the same thing – but those looks truly deceive.
So what’s he doing now?
Saving up for these sick New Balances with VELCRO® straps.
Stone actually looks decently attractive in his picture, but what you don’t know, is that his real name is “Jan”.
“Jan” which is short for “Janet” was a highly popular name back in 1956 – so today, we just call him Stone.
No one really knows, and it’s too awkward to ask, but it sounded cool when he introduced himself that way.
Some say Tyler looks like Anthony Hopkins, but we say he looks like that guy riding a horse with no saddle (you know, the jeans and no shirt guy).
When he’s not on a horse, he hangs with his Siberian Husky named Luna, which means “moon” in Latin – which is also the distance of the high she gets from eating all the ping pong balls in the office.
But enough about Tyler, his brother’s wife is a YouTube make-up celebrity named Arlyne Sanjines.
For someone who looks like they just let out a soft little fart, Justin is incredibly kind.
He shares his workout knowledge with others at the office while proclaiming to have been part of two music videos.
Where are those videos? He won’t tell us.
But we for sure know that it’s not Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande.
Conor would’ve told us.
Being the office DJ and production artist, Dalton has a second and more lucrative gig being the official Costco Kirkland Shampoo & Conditioner spokesperson (for their clinical trials – he’s done around 72 tests).
But when we do have him in the office, you’ll find him taking solo tequila shots – especially if it’s a rough day or a good day. And that makes us all happy.
When he’s not testing new products or being at the office, you’ll find him teaching our CEO how to kick flip.
It’s been a long journey, and we’re nowhere close to having Johnathan land the kick flip, and our sales are taking a hit with the distraction.
We’re not sure if he was hired for kick flipping or actual work – still trying to understand.
If someone is reading this, please help.
Have you ever met a Guinness World Record holder in person?
Well technically you’re reading this online, so you have yet to experience the amazing experience of meeting Bobby in person – the man who only wears black UNIQLO® t-shirts with 12 pairs of the same Vintage Wash Distressed Khakis in Slim Fit with GapFlex (different colors though).
Is Bobby a boring person?
The dude worked at Dollar Shave Club for four years and never shaved once.
Don’t believe us? That’s him driving the forklift at the 32 second mark.
Talk about a badass.
As a former elite high school volleyball player, you’d think that Harrison likes all things that are round and bouncy. But that’s not always the case.
See, Harrison’s guilty pleasure is watching River Monsters on every first date – and that’s mainly why he’s never gone on a second date.
But don’t let the stylish watch fool you – he spends all his money on Fortnite tutorials and recently asked Johnathan to upgrade his computer storage because he’s about to make it big on Twitch.
The band played at SXSW in 2017, but we still think they might be made up since he never invites us to shows.
He also wants the world to know that he drives a stick shift, and thinks everyone else should know how to too.
That, and he’s in the top 1% of Pocket readers worldwide. (But that’s not that hard since only 13 people use Pocket.)
Jenn is a humongous fan of country music, and because of that, we’re restricting her bio to just one sentence.
Everyone at the KB office knows that Cody has the best SoundCloud account.
But what if you’re not into really bad music? Then don’t ask him to DJ.
He wakes up at 3 AM every morning to create his own custom pour over coffee (traditional Orange County snob),
before he goes to his poodle Zumba class.
P.S. He thinks things to the left are pretty funny.
It’s not often you find a person doing goat yoga while having Hot Cheeto™ fingers.
But then again, it’s not often that you find a person who eats string cheese in bites while binge watching doomsday preppers on YouTube.
Who is that person you ask?
Marcelle, the girl who has a guys’ name that’s been to 19 different countries inside the game of Grand Theft Auto.
Nick has played for as many baseball teams as the amount of gold chains he wears around his New Jerseyan neck.
Don’t believe us?
Now, he’s just burly AF and works on his forearms for about 83 minutes/day (Monday through Thursday).
You shouldn’t be. The guy has 21 fleece Patagonia pullovers that are all identical.
Not to be confused with Steph Curry, Spencer is 6’7″, but unfortunately doesn’t play basketball.
He also doesn’t play ping pong (that well) – currently 2nd in the office to Johnathan.
But what he is great at is eating Chick-fil-A while watching chic flicks (he has a top 20 list that’s unbeatable).
He also enjoys blowing bubbles with his tongue while doing PPC work.
Johnathan is a PPC lover and conversion rate fighter, spending most of his time in the trenches.
He’s an international speaker, who’s also a little too obsessed with Pellegrino sparkling water (something that he buys by the pallet at Costco).
He thinks he’s famous, but we write him reality checks every day.
If there’s a person you’d want to have on your gameshow team, it’s Michael.
For a guy that knows too many useless and random facts, Michael takes the cake.
But he also takes the ice cream. Because as a child, he used to rob the freezer and hide behind the door, hoping no one would catch him.
Today, he helps the design team with production, while sometimes touching his own butt (as you can see in this picture).
As one of three Fitkin’s in the office, Chris is by far the most attractive (when it comes to Neanderthal standards).
Even with his excessive amount of nose hair, you’d think that Chris has a hard time focusing on building our world-class PPC software, Kite.
But fret not, not only does he groom irregularly (he keeps breaking his damn birthday present), the additional nose hair does help him stay warm in our sometimes frosty office.
What else does he do you ask? Actually, you don’t have to ask.
He’ll be the first to tell you that’s he’s vegan and runs marathons.
You wouldn’t believe this, there’s an even rarer form of vegan/cross-fitter.
We call it the vegan/Spartan-racer.
Being the first of three Fitkins who are part of the KlientBoost family, Kim has blazed her own trail with her own Spartan Race® tow hitch (she asked that to be part of her bio – see the problem we have to live with?)
Now being the mother of two boys, she continues to slack with the cooking at home by serving peanut butter & jelly sandwiches six out of the week’s seven days.
Do we judge her?
As the third (and hopefully last) Fitkin to join the team, Mike sports a mean backhand.
Not on the ping pong table, the actual back of his hand is the meanest looking backhand we’ve ever seen.
So as we politely avoid looking and walking close to his left hand, we made the smart move of having him sit in a corner.
Mike, we know you were the second Fitkin, but we had to make the joke. Hope you understand.
There’s a dark secret that Reese doesn’t share with many people – He’s addicted to Olive Garden’s Fettuccine Alfredo.
His second dark secret is that he can spell “fettuccine” backwards, blindfolded, while hand standing on lego blocks.
His third darkest secret is that he once had a fauxhawk (this was him) – Yes, he was caucasian once.
Lastly, and this is no dark secret (he makes it very known) – he’s the world’s leading archivist of DJ Khaled Snapchat screenshots. He once wrote a novel. And he runs his own PPC podcast.
Gahdamn you busy Poppa Reese!
Beavis is the type of guy that makes other guys look bad.
Other guys have a hard time just working out, but Beavis sports the strongest forehead on the planet (just look at that vein action).
But buffness aside, he’s an avid collector of board games and currently owns 2-3 pieces of leather clothing.
P.S. Here’s his secret forehead workout.
Maleri has never lost a race.
But when she’s not running, she’s eating peanut butter and jumping over fires during the Persian New Year to burn away her sins.
This is where she makes the very smart (and very conscious) decision to not fart at the same time.
Only because she wants to come home alive to her husband and two huskies.
As the third Matt of the office, Hurst has had a hard time feeling included.
The good news is that he doesn’t let it deter his mozzarella stick eating abilities (real footage of him at his 5th birthday party).
Looking up to Lance Armstrong while growing up (not the doping part), Hurst is an avid cycler today.
You can tell he loves cycling from his frequent and aggressive sweat that can appear at any give time at the office – completely unannounced (genetic condition he got from his mom).
Also, he currently ranks 63rd on the KlientBoost ping pong leaderboard.
You’ll never meet a more bubbly, and at the same time, determined person in the world.
Waking up at 5 AM to do Spartan trainings has her well prepped to jump into any obstacle, in-and-outside the office.
Oh, you thought we were talking about the Spartan Race?!
Unlike, Victoria, Erin shops at lululemon.
Correction. Erin lives at lululemon.
Dubbed the “lulu queen” of the office, Erin prominently walks around hallways while squinting through windows to see who’s working…
Kinda like this.
Not to show off her new lulu pants, but to ask if anyone needs Champagne refills.
When you have the chance to have a badass skater join your team, you have to take it.
Are kick flips and ollies helpful when it comes to PPC? Of course not.
But what’s more important – ROI or street cred?
An Orange County native, who has an unhealthy relationship with Pizza.
He doesn’t just eat it, he also has a pizza tattoo (that’s the healthy part).
He’s been using Photoshop since middle school by creating band posters for his own band but now uses his efforts to be an online troll.
More of a troll than Jon Maher.
Have you ever met a guy who has five first names as his full name?
Or five homemade tattoos on his body?
Neither had we, until Sean walked through our door. But to be honest, he’s a great guy – he just struggles big time when it comes to airport security.
Not only does he wear 17 rings on his fingers, he has about five toe rings, 22 keys on his keychain, and still carries loose change of around $73 in his left pocket.
Not to mention, his jeans are extremely tight.
That’s why no one wants to go on business trips with Sean (real footage of us getting low on blood sugar after following him through security).
Ally is disgustingly athletic.
She’s placed top 10 in five Spartan races and does half-marathons for the fun of it. You might think that’s cool, but it was actually the kid’s Spartan race (you’ll see her at the 43 second mark).
She thinks she’s a Harry Potter fan, but we’ve never seen her with a wand or a broomstick.
But if there’s one thing that’s impressive about her, it’s that she ate a snow cone everyday during the summer of her junior college year.
Oh, and she’s from Austin, TX.
For someone born in 13th century Europe, Matt is impressively skilled in modern day ping pong duels against Richard.
Traveling all the way from ice cold Lake Michigan by rollerblades, Matt is an overly optimistic swimmer who once saved someone from drowning.
Today, he’s the official KlientBoost lifeguard, overseeing the aquatic activities of Yesenia and Conor.
*Matt was the second Matt hired
Have you ever known someone who’s really good at painting pictures, like, figuratively?
That’s Mitchell, the Mitch Buchanan of saving PPC accounts from their un-optimized death.
He can also run a “semi” 4-minute mile while licking his own elbow.
Worst thing though? Mitchell loves to tell riddles that he doesn’t know the answers to.
If you take a close look. Like, a really close look.
Then you’ll notice the shine and sheen of Michael’s luscious locks.
Why are they so luscious? The secret lies within his mom & dad owning their own beauty salon.
Or maybe it’s his greasy hair from the lack of showering because he’s addicted to Pokémon?
We’ll never know.
Being Johnathan’s long-lost childhood friend, Emil also grew up in Denmark (not really, but it makes for a fun story).
You wouldn’t actually believe it, but Emil is the most tan person in the office and also the one who shreds the gnar the most.
Coincidence? Not at all.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Have you ever worked with a celebrity? Neither has Matt, because he is one.
During his high school years, Matt was chosen to be on a popular (and undisclosed) MTV show. We have the proof.
If you ever catch him looking off into the distance, it’s either because he’s hungry or thinking of new PPC tricks.
PPC tricks that make more money.
Okay, this is kind of awkward.
We’ve told Melissa repeatedly that we’re not a model agency, but a PPC agency – yet she keeps ignoring us.
Is she here for the right reasons? We’re not sure. But her Disney-esque singing and dancing has us all entertained, especially when Dave (our in-house realtor) joins her as well.
She tries to tell us that she’s an adrenaline junkie by showing us her jellyfish scars, but who the F has jellyfish scars?!
Oh, and she says she can beat you at a whistling contest.
Born with three thumbs, Aaron is now the fastest two-thumb designer on the block. But this block isn’t that big.
He’s a Starbucks Gold Star member that loves petting dogs and sea urchins.
When he’s not designing super slick landing pages, you’ll find him petting sea urchins.
P.S. You read this whole thing not knowing that you can’t pet sea urchins.
Jess sure looks cool with her arms crossed.
If there’s one thing Luke loves, it’s G bread.
Even though he loves his comic books and anything that Kanye does, he puts G bread above it all.
Running the immensely popular Instagram account, Garlic Bread Squadron, Luke gets his meme inspiration from all around the clove.
He’s currently working on opening a Brazilian steakhouse, but with garlic bread skewers.
Bringing her competitive volleyball spirit on a daily basis, Hayley is the type of person you don’t want to mess with.
Have you seen Meet The Fockers?
When she’s not coordinating, editing, scheduling, publishing, or promoting, she’s usually sleeping, because that’s all she does.
Sometimes she’ll fit in some time for her family, romantic walks on the dog beach, and hitting the gym.
But that’s only sometimes.
Jason Smith will throw you for a loop.
Think that his name means he’s American?
Think that his denim jacket means he can’t do any push ups?
He does one-fingered ones.
Think that because he doesn’t tuck his shirt in that he’s fat?
He hasn’t had sugar for seven years.
Think he has a well balanced diet?
He doesn’t – he eats yams everyday.
Think that he wishes he was as cool as Jason Statham?
He actually does.
And no, he’s not 7’6″ – we just wrote him a long bio.
As the only person without health insurance at the office, Sara is proud of the fact that she has never run a mile.
So instead, we bubble wrap her on the daily and fill her up with unlimited amounts of pasta (just so her insides and outsides are soft enough to protect herself).
Is it a good use of our time?
Austin Spikes sounds like a super hero name, not some green leprechaun that works at an office.
Think he’s not a leprechaun?
Then how do you explain the pot of gold he eats every night that he calls ice cream?
Or the fact that he puts hot sauce on everything, included his red facial hair?
Some things just don’t add up, especially when he says he’s a brunette.
You don’t look like a lady to us, Austin.
For someone with two first names, Courtney sure seems like a person you can trust.
But don’t do it.
Not to be confused with Billy Bob Thornton, Chris Paul, or Steve Dave who are actually REAL people – Courtney definitely made her name up on the spot when we interviewed her.
Do we care?
We do, that’s why we started this thread on Reddit.
For someone who loves to cross their arms, Grant is uniquely good at it.
You’ll notice that the black lines on his sleeves are actual 90 degree guides to make sure he has the perfect bend at any given time.
He’s currently teaching us many of the different styles.
Being 42 years old, Grant spends most of his office time in the massage chair because he climbs grocery store shelves and mountains on the regular.
Oh, and he used to be a Grandmaster Overwatch player.
But now he’s just too old for screens.
But remove the shower and replace it with a bar and a serious karaoke setup.
For someone who wanted to be a zookeeper, then a vet, and then a designer, we’re pretty sure we got Tiffany to join our squad at just the right time.
Truth is, when you get someone who can design and sing like she can, you know you have conversion unicorn.
If there’s one thing you should never do with Richard, it’s watch Hotline Bling by Drake.
Richard loves music videos, but will tear them apart for their lack of execution. Similarly to what he does with a PPC account.
Richard can’t resist them tacos (and yes that is his dog).
P.S. His first name is pronounced “RICH-urd”
Born and raised in Utah, Kimball got the short end of the stick when his LDS church sent him on a mission… to Salt Lake City.
Not to be discouraged and not far from home (he literally lived two blocks down), Kimball started working on another passion of his – cooking meatball alfredo subs with homemade french fries (this is him, but not his hand).
Has he opened his own restaurant yet?
Of course not.
He’s sprinkling some seasoning on PPC accounts instead.
Ever had the chance to work with an Olympic swimmer?
Neither have we – that’s why we’ve settled with Lauren.
But if there’s was an Olympic event of chilling, she’d definitely make top 3 at the office.
Because no one will ever beat Dalton at chilling.
Let’s be real.
Brodan is your typical, “shop-at-baby-GAP-for-t-shirts”, Central Illinois kinda guy.
Does he look like someone who just finished his mechanics degree at UTI*?
Maybe, but we love him since he’s the only one willing to sit at the desk with the glaring afternoon sun.
*Not the infection, but Universal Technical Institute
Furry friends should be mandatory in all offices.
Tanner is our office pooch, a close friend who’s always ready to give you what you need; a warm kiss (with a little bit of tongue).
Every time a new client signs up, part of that money goes to Tanner’s dinosaur bone addiction.
Are we investing our money wisely?
Want to work with Tanner?
Good —— You shouldn’t… Dogs don’t make good PPC Managers.
That’s what we’re here for!
When it comes to PPC, the first person I turn to is Johnathan Dane. He and his team cut through the bullshit and get straight to the point with the goal of making you more money. Work with him."