The Agency That Sets The Marketing Bar
& Continues To Raise It
When other marketing agencies can't, our clients trust us
to keep delivering again and again.
From Hustling on Craigslist,
To Working With Billion-Dollar Companies
We didn’t get here by accident. We put in the time to work
on our craft with a focus of making progress every day.
Do you even lift your conversion rates? We do, and we’ve always taken the harder right vs the easier wrong.
Our balloon colors don’t match, but our swag sure does. We may not know how confetti cannons work, but damn do we know fashion.
We’ve officially hit photo studio capacity. We had to take our $10 million annual recurring revenue party to the ocean.
Hazmat suits and everything, COVID doesn’t stand a chance against the safety drip and confetti. Peep the celebration.
If You Know What We’re Made Of,
You’ll Know What We’re Capable Of
We hire, train, execute, & celebrate through the lens of our values.
- pWe Push OurselvesFrom better marketing performance to Spartan races, we never stay content.
- aWe’re AccountableWe take ownership and initiative, we never point fingers but take responsibility.
- rWe’re ResilientThings can get stressful & hard, we find solutions instead of complaining and learn too.
- tWe’re TransparentOur clients see everything, our entire team knows everything about our agency.
- yWe Focus On YouWe’re obsessed with your feedback, you drive our progress as we drive your growth.
Our Team Moves So Fast, It Was Hard
To Get Pictures That Weren’t Blurry
Class-clowns meet honor students that drive serious ROI,
without taking ourselves too seriously.
You know you’ve made it big when TikTok asks you to be in their commercials.
Unfortunately, Yasmine hasn’t made it big.
Instead, she continues to spend 72% of her waking hours practicing TikTok choreography that’ll be seen by 17 people (18 if her mom’s watching).
You know what is cool about her though? She gave a TEDx talk about her hijab.
- - Public Speaking
- - Having Resilience
- - TikTok Choreography?
- - Fashion Sense
- - Drinking Too Much Coffee
- - Being a Loud Egyptian
Having the most drip in the office, Graham puts everyone’s fashion to shame.
Rocking New Balances with the VELCRO® straps on a daily basis means there’s less attention going around to the other guys in the office.
So what’s he doing now?
- - Dry Humor
- - Rip It Daddy
- - Confetti Church
- - Any Video Game
- - Pounding Sweets
- - Dishes
Founder of Hot Stone Massage, Inc (aka HSM), Stone spends 37% of his working day simply rubbing people at the office.
And as we thought he couldn’t be more entrepreneurial, he secures an influencer deal with Pantene.
He’s deathly afraid of confetti though.
- - His Body Hair
- - Luxurious Lotions
- - Not Confetti
- - His Height
- - Working Out
- - Confetti
Being second at ice hockey behind Kyle Durkan, Tyler doesn’t seem to take L’s that hard.
Except for the time where he took this picture for his bio.
Looking high AF on a daily basis, Tyler suspiciously gets a lot of things done.
Only thing he doesn’t get done?
Getting better at hockey.
- - Mexican Cokes
- - Lord of The Rings
- - Sleeping All Places
- - Midnight Cookies
- - 420 Things
- - Ice Hockey
Megan is really good at live tweeting during award shows.
Despite having the same follower count as Yasmine, Megan still continues to impress her mom who’s quickly ready with liking anything she tweets.
Where did she get the confidence from, you ask?
At the bottom of all her spicy happy hour margaritas.
- - Ashland Hard Seltzers
- - Live Tweeting Award Shows
- - Seattle Rain
- - Weekly Concerts
- - Spicy Margs
- - Happy Hours
Meet Your Team Before You Work With Us
Say hello to the real humans that you'll work with
on a daily basis before we get serious.
Ben likes to create fake acronyms to see who would agree with him.
He’s a certified freak. 7 days a week.
- - Eye Glass Prescription
- - RV Maintenance
- - Mermaid Swag
- - Acting Drunk
- - Cliff Diving
- - Deep House Music
For someone who likes to kiss the dirt while mountain biking, Kevin is far from the romantic type.
But then again, he binges Love Island on a regular basis.
So which is it?
One thing we know for sure is that he loves eating a brisket while singing his heart out to karaoke.
- - His Legs
- - Listening To WAP
- - Stagecoach Merch
- - His Core
- - Playing Any Office Game
- - Microphones
Despite being the “4th Jonathan” at the office, Mr. Brambles sports an infectious optimism.
But put him around things with wheels that make noise, and he becomes the most annoying person on Earth.
When he’s not spamming inboxes, you’ll find him at Sharkeez slinging unlimited mimosas.
He keeps inviting us, but no one wants to go.
- - That Smile
- - Electronic Mail
- - Spam (The Food)
- - Guy Fieri
- - Unlimited Mimosas
- - Loud Cars
For someone who has never gotten a minute of playing time in any sport, we have no clue how Justin got the confidence he has.
He wanted us to write that diamonds are made under pressure.
But we’ve seen his paycheck and know he can’t afford a diamond.
So we’re gonna leave that part out.
- - Losing Bets
- - Not Winning
- - Not Betting
- - Betting
- - Basketball
- - Kobe Bryant Mentality
Dalton has hit some rough patches lately.
– Kid’s birthday parties that he used to DJ for have been shut down due to COVID-19.
– He paid $120 for a $24 box of Omaha Steaks (without any potato gratin).
– Stone stopped giving free Pantene Pro-V samples to him.
And to top it all off, his GoFundMe was featured on RuinMyWeek.com, only to be beat by the girl trying to raise money to remove her forehead tattoo.
- - Ping Pong Debt
- - Anything Dank
- - Kid Birthday Parties
- - Ping Pong
- - Drinking IPA's
- - Omaha Steak Valuations
Bobby Burkitt, Jr
Is Bobby a boring person?
The dude worked at Dollar Shave Club for four years and never shaved once.
Also, ask him about the challenge he did with Johnathan.
Talk about a badass (who needed money, and some epidermis).
- - Crocs
- - Not Strength
- - Slack Roasts
- - CEO Skin
- - Guy Fieri
- - White Claws
Goals Hit? We Celebrate With Mai-Tais
We went to the island of O'ahu
for our $500K MRR celebration and got sunburned.
Nicky enjoys suffering.
Being from New York, she’s a fan of the Giants, Yankees, & the Knicks.
While watching her teams lose, she enjoys bowls of ice cream despite being lactose intolerant.
So she asks us: “Who decided that once you hit 30, everything delicious gives you heartburn?”
- - Masochism
- - Throwing Spirals
- - Charcuterie Boards
- - Being From New York
- - Drinking Boba
- - Her Dog Named Boba
Harrison loves the sound a push broom makes on concrete.
So much that he allowed us to record his reaction (that’s the push broom on the left, Harrison on the right).
Is his job stressful you ask?
Yes, that’s why he gambles all his money away playing pop-a-shot.
- - Hat Collection
- - Looking Cute
- - River Monsters
- - Pigeons
- - Oil Spills
- - Patagucci Sales
Jenn once planned our Christmas party on a boat, later to pass out at 6:32 PM on a chair due to intoxication.
Of course we took a picture of that (which we can’t find) and had the entire company sign a “Get Well Soon” card the next day.
We should be nice to her though.
It’s not easy being a previous Green Bay Packers linebacker who retired and joined KB because of a knee injury.
- - Mini Donkeys
- - Cinnamon Rolls
- - Moon Walking
- - Tequila
- - Chairs
- - Boats
Cody would like you to think that he’s really good at Halo because he’s “played against pros”.
But what he’s really good at is not drinking alcohol.
The picture of him on this page is actually taken from him sleeping in his bed – we just cropped out the bed and threw confetti at him.
- - Really Snobby Coffee
- - Dark Humor
- - ASMR Videos
- - Halo (The Video Game)
- - High Wind Speeds
- - Banger Songs
Travis buys a houseplant every time he goes to Trader Joe’s so when people walk in his house he can say “welcome to the jungle”.
He once met Jason Statham in an elevator in Vegas and not realizing it was him, told him he looked just like Jason Statham but shorter…..Jason laughed and got out on the next floor.
Luckily, Travis is still alive to tell the story.
- - Abraham Lincoln
- - Roasting Jason Statham
- - House Plants
- - Hogwarts Mail
- - Grandma Candy
- - Wand Fighting
More Published Client Wins Than Any Agency
See the marketing wins we create on a daily basis and add to our leading track record.
Marcelle says she’s been to 19 different countries (inside the game of Grand Theft Auto).
Or did she hallucinate those travels while being high at Lightning in a Bottle?
Wrong person, that was Aaron.
Real talk though – hang with Marcelle for 10 minutes and you’ll have a new best friend (and less fries).
- - Always Fun
- - Straight Shooter
- - Sometimes Loud
- - Hippie Shit
- - No Filter
- - Eating Your Fries
Vincent: “Knock knock”
KlientBoost: “Who’s there?”
Vincent: “The Jay-Z of Digital Marketing”
Vincent: “The Jay-Z of….”
- - Funky Beats
- - Non-Fitting Clothes
- - Supa Hot Fire
- - T-Shirt Businesses
- - Kidz Bop 37
- - Under Armour
Nick is from New Jersey and he’s Italian which means he’s definitely not not connected to the mob.
He pronounces coffee like “cawfee”. Which isn’t cool but very much a thing.
You shouldn’t be.
This guy owns 21 fleece Patagonia pullovers that are all identical.
- - Sending Noodles
- - Bad Investment Advice
- - Forearms
- - Gold Chains
- - Asking For Raises
- - Noodles
Quinten called the cops when he was five because HE said a bad word.
Now walking around looking like a less-attractive version of Shawn Mendes, at least he knows completely useless facts.
Like how chicken tendies are made.
Guys, how did he end up at KB?
- - Mezcal & Cigars
- - Pet Squirrels
- - YouTube Wormholes
- - Free Throws
- - Corn Hole
- - Anything With Aiming
Johnathan has a spending problem. Don’t believe us?
He also thinks he’s an Instagram influencer with hopes and dreams of being sponsored by Truff Sauce, Nike, Space Jam, and the country of Denmark.
If you work with any of these organizations please hit him up @GoldChainDane and end our misery.
- - Confetti Cannons
- - Not Basketball
- - Big Ass T-Shirts
- - Sugary Hot Sauces
- - Instagram Filters
- - Foosball
When John isn’t name dropping or educating you on the finer things in life, you can find him telling you about the time he met Bone Thugs-N-Harmony backstage.
Even though he’s never eaten at Long John Silvers, you can be sure he knows his WW1 battle strategies.
But don’t let the cuteness fool you.
As soon as you start liking him, he’ll mention someone else he knows, and the circle of despair continues.
- - Moisturizing Daily
- - Using Sunscreen
- - Lacking Insecurities
- - Having a Dead Thyroid
- - Ability To Dunk
- - Not Owning a Horse
For someone who continuously likes to touch his own butt (see previous photoshoot pic here), Michael is surprisingly hands off.
Okay, we lied.
But he does like touching his own butt.
- - Sexy Sax Man'ing
- - Hosting Trivia
- - Sippin' La Croix
- - Thicc Mamies
- - Chic-fil-A
- - Girthy Bananas
Kyle is your typical, basic white dude
We mean, his name is Kyle, c’mon now.
Loves “ice cold IPA’s, weekend golf, fantasy football”
Enough with your bulls***, Kyle.
Tell the world about your OnlyFans page.
- - Webcams
- - Hanging With Chads
- - Monster Energy
- - Crunchy Tacos
- - Ice Cold IPA's
- - Saying No
For someone who bungee jumped with Zac Efron, Kim is surprisingly late when it comes to drinking beers.
Soon thereafter, Kim became a proud keg stand’er.
Now her favorite days are when we play RAGE CAGE at the office.
- - Bathroom Coffee
- - Diving (Bars)
- - Keg Stands
- - Anything British
- - Pokémon Go
- - Keg Stands
We obviously didn’t follow safety protocols blasting the confetti cannon directly at Sammy’s face.
Has she sued us yet? Yes.
But is her hearing indefinitely impaired? Also yes.
Here’s an actress we hired to reenact Sammy post-confetti blast.
- - Cat French Kissing
- - Chicken Legs
- - Not Hearing
- - Twitch Streaming
- - Heavily Produced Romance
- - Confetti Safety
Katie’s the kind of friend who you start watching a TV show with.
You find out it’s such a great show and you literally can’t wait to watch the next episode together.
Then Katie comes over one day, and she tells you… That’s she’s been watching episodes ahead of you.
A friend you no longer want to be friends with.
- - Topo Chico Drinking
- - Tortilla Purses
- - Triple-Ply Toilet Paper
- - Any Breakfast
- - Any Lunch
- - Any Dinner
Devyn tells us she would sacrifice one of her fingers to be on Ghost Adventures with Zach Bagans.
We told her that Aaron could hook it up with his extra one so Devyn can keep all hers.
She also says she can walk on water if her foot is simultaneously touching seaweed.
- - Bargain Hunting
- - Advice Giving
- - Taco Bell
- - Ghost Shows
- - Ghostbusters
- - Patrick Swayze
Suffering from too much success, Reese is the world’s leading archivist of DJ Khaled Snapchat screenshots.
Want him to do something for you?
Just add the word, “Wagyu” next to it.
Don’t believe us? Then look at this.
- - Drumming
- - Smooth Butter Voice
- - Imaginary Purse Holding
- - Over-Priced Restaurants
- - Ping Pong
- - Any Motor Skill
You know the type of person who’s extremely athletic and everything just comes natural to them?
That’s not Chris.
Okay, but do you know that type of person who knows everything about sports and is super into fantasy sports too?
That’s also not Chris.
- - Treating Himself
- - Nothing Athletic
- - Not Chocolate
- - Any Calories
- - Grown Boy Drinks
- - Athletics
We asked Michelle to list out three of her weaknesses. This is what she told us:
1) “I don’t know how to handle attention/any form of the spotlight well – things get weird and I get twitchy”
2) “Filling out administrative paperwork (taxes, forms, everything); they’re tacky and I hate it”
3) “Math ‘cause f**k math‘ ”
4) “Carbs. That’s 4 things, but hey, I’m not the best at math”
- - Trash Reality TV
- - Roasting You
- - Over-Eating
- - Newspaper Appearances
- - Parallel Parking
- - Attention Twitching
Why Are We Called KlientBoost?
/ˈklīəntbo͞ost/ - We honestly f'ed up. It's hard to pronounce, we get it.
But now it's also too late to change it.
Best part about having interns is that you can get them to do almost anything.
Set up Christmas lights? Check.
Hide Smirnoff Ice’s? Check.
Learn a little bit of marketing? Check.
We’re just waiting until we can send Hannah to go buy us more alcohol.
- - Thrift Shopping
- - Just Dance
- - Going & Getting Things
- - Taking Dogs on Walks
- - Javier's
- - TikTok Choreography
Ever seen a guy smile while farting? Now you have.
As a recent graduate from Monchong University in Cell Block D, Beavis collects A LOT of denim clothing (more denim than you’d think).
How does he do it? He gives credit to his coleslaw addiction.
Maybe that’s why he has gas issues?
- - Brian Dao Spirit
- - Buss Down
- - 420 All Day
- - Forehead Veins
- - Butter Humans
- - Glen Coco
Maleri always runs and has never lost a race.
Actually that’s not true – she lost this one running against herself.
But when she’s not running, she’s eating peanut butter and jumping over fires during the Persian New Year to burn away her sins.
This is where she makes the very smart (and very conscious) decision to not fart at the same time.
- - Endurance Stuff
- - Waterskiing
- - Jumping Over Fires
- - Eating Fudge
- - Saying "Fudge"
- - Cursing
Before coming to KlientBoost, Matt used to be phenomenal at spelling.
Admiring Lance Armstrong while growing up (the doping part, not cycling), he’s now an avid smoker.
We’ve told him that he can do drugs without the bike riding part, but he insists on having the body weight (and shape) of a 12 year old boy.
- - Not Sports
- - Not Dancing
- - Mustache Growing
- - Positivity
- - Happiness
- - 90 Day Fiancé
What do you get when you mix sweaty college football jockstraps, iced sweet tea, and the word “Y’all”?
A tiny human in an oversized pink sweater.
But why is she here at KlientBoost?
She taught us the “Bend & Snap” before driving off in her Mercedes with her YSL bag.
- - Britney Spears
- - Dolly Parton
- - Chic-fil-A
- - Nicki Minaj Lyrics
- - Football Pads
- - Sweaty Football Pads
See How We Push Ourselves
We got 67% of the company to do a Spartan race.
Will we do it again? Absolutely not.
Haley is the ultimate hype girl.
Why is she so good at hyping? Because she’s our official Smirnoff Ice ambassador.
- - Hype
- - Excitement
- - Waking Up @ 2 AM
- - Anything Halloween
- - Finding GIFs
- - Pumpkin Spice Everything
When Jordan was ten years old, her tooth got knocked out while playing soccer – coach still made her play the rest of the game (swag).
She says her name is Jordan “Kaatz” because she’s always ready to “pounce”.
After she told us that, we were like.
We had to give her a subscription to Ancestry.com to show her family tree and explain how last names work.
- - Poodle Hair
- - Pouncing People
- - Midnight McDonald's
- - Magic Mushrooms
- - In-N-Out Burger
- - Umbrella by Rihanna
Ari is incredibly suspicious.
From his first Zoom interview, we weren’t sure what to make of the white powder right underneath his left nostril.
He told it was just “rock”, and then one time he called it “nose candy”. Our suspicions grew even more after we saw the rope on his back wall.
We later found out that, no, Ari doesn’t run a sex dungeon in downtown Raleigh, but instead enjoys climbing some good ol’ rocks (phew).
- - Ropes
- - White Powder
- - Good Times
- - Shawn Mendes
- - Free Solo Cups
- - Candle Safety
This is what he looks like when you give him a smaller compliment.
This is what he looks like when you give him a bigger compliment.
He also performed “Ice Ice Baby” in 6th grade and once offered $2,000 for a domain.
- - (W)rapping (Presents)
- - Being Nice
- - Sweatpants
- - Rapping
- - Other SoundCloud Rappers
- - Any Musical Activity
Xinzi is your typical, annoying, over achiever.
She trained her cat “Biubiu” to play fetch while she was finishing her three year masters program in one year.
Okay. Hold up.
What the f***, Xinzi.
Can you make the rest of us feel less bad about our life choices?
- - Spilling Coffee
- - Snorting Boba
- - Cat Training
- - Fashion Sense
- - Captain America
- - "Brownies"
Come Visit Our Beautiful Costa Mesa Headquarters
That's the actual map of the area.
Our building is a treasure chest. It's beautiful.
Are kick flips and ollies helpful when it comes to marketing? Of course they are.
Because what’s more important – ROI or street cred?
- - Alanis Morissette
- - "Gummy Worms"
- - Mosh Pits
- - Anything "Grindable"
- - Skater Boys
- - Confetti
Looking like a 53 year old substitute teacher, Kyle seems a bit out of place at KB.
We first thought it was his receding hairline, but instead found it was something deeper.
Broadway would be a better place for him.
- - Chopstick Usage
- - Racehorse Sitting
- - Choreography
- - Choreography Videos
- - Ping Pong
- - Knee Pain
For someone who competes nationwide in armored MMA, Nick is incredibly sweet.
You wouldn’t think that someone teaching a medieval swordsmanship class also knows how to give the best hugs, but that’s Nick.
What else can we tell you about him?
Confetti is his achilles heel.
Two for flinching, Loomis.
- - Home-Brewed Mead
- - Chopping Firewood
- - Sleeping Anywhere
- - Steak & Potatoes
- - The Sun
- - Sword Sales
Being the real life version of the boy scout from Up, George loves sleeping on the floor.
Overly attached to hugs, George entered severe depression during COVID-19.
He now spends most of his nights cooking dinner for one since he still hasn’t won Slack trivia.
- - Awkward Gifting
- - Awkward Hugging
- - Not Trivia
- - Corgis
- - Too Many Emojis
- - Too Many Corgi Emojis
We don’t know where Tyler spends his time, but he was once at a bank that got robbed.
He was also held up at gunpoint with his grandma at a HomeTown Buffet.
He’s not the only person willing to get a KlientBoost tattoo.
He also plays banjo.
- - Being Dope
- - Being Sick
- - Being Chill
- - Supporting The Raiders
- - Writing About Myself
- - Crippling Insecurity
Okay You've Been On This Page For A Bit
It's time we come clean. We do a lot of things, but we don't...
- Focus on vanity metrics
- Wear suits
- Hesitate to challenge assumptions
- Have enough parking
- Expect you to have read this far
We asked Daniel to give us ideas for his bio.
But after sounding like everyone else, we decided to scrap it and spice things up.
Two truths & a lie:
– Birds make him feel vulnerable
– He sleeps in a thong
– He never showers, only bathes
Which one is the lie?
- - "Self-Care"
- - Befriending Felines
- - Orthodontic Rubber Bands
- - Donut Dozens
- - Spicy Toots
- - Magic The Gathering
This isn’t Ally’s first rodeo.
She’ll let you know she’s from Texas within 3.7 seconds of meeting her.
She told us she placed top 10 in five Spartan races. We later found out that was a lie.
Now that she’s an adult (and obviously not athletic), she has decided to retire, listening to Michael Buble’s Christmas album year round while eating burnt bacon.
- - BBQ Snobbing
- - Yelling While Drunk
- - Pouty Face
- - Donuts
- - Dachshunds
- - Decorative Pillows
Ashley starred in Audi’s holiday social media campaigns once. They called her the “talent”.
We have to agree – just look at that pose.
Those hands are the equivalent of “Blue Steel”
But you know what’s really cool? Our confetti makes her happier than Audi’s confetti.
- - Living In The Past
- - Quick-Witted?
- - Not Laundry
- - Salt-N-Pepa
- - Living In The Moment
- - Superhero Movies
All of Mitch’s personality is in a beer bottle.
Just how Moose is partially made of olive oil, 57% of Mitch’s DNA is yeast, crying in the shower, and a sprinkle of insomnia.
How is he still effective at his job?
He got everyone addicted to say “Beep Boop” at the office & now we can’t stop.
P.S. His mom thinks Johnathan is cute.
- - Shower Beers
- - Toilet Beers
- - Driving Beers
- - Ranch Dressing
- - Agave Syrup
- - Roses
Eating more vegetables than Aaron Packard, Michael sports an impressive appetite.
But you know what’s not cool about him?
He’s a pathological liar who makes up excuses to get free returns on Amazon purchases.
You know what he’ll never lie about though? That 18.5% of his body is not carbon, but olive oil.
- - Olive Oil
- - Being Spicy
- - Hair
- - Rotisserie Chicken
- - Bungee Jumps
- - Shrek 1 & 2
See How We Scientifically Hire The Best
We got our hiring down to a simple equation.
You breathe? You're hired.
Emil’s the weird type of person that just falls asleep in weird places and hopes to wake up with a new tattoo.
That’s how he said he got his pineapple tattoo in Nicaragua and fruit family sleeve in Japan.
Do we believe him?
Yes, because he also shares the same lower back tattoo with his mom.
- - Tandem Sky Dives
- - Fruit Tattoos
- - White Belts?
- - Nostril Leakage
- - Office Massage Seconds
- - Pounding Cheese Pizza
Have you ever worked with a celebrity? Neither has Matt, because he is one.
During his high school years, Matt was chosen to be on a popular MTV show.
He likes to think of himself as a “bad boy”, and while he doesn’t get paid a regular salary, he does gets paid in Red Lobster gift cards.
If he does an exceptional job, then we’ll make it fancier for him and give him a Cheesecake Factory gift card.
- - Not Foosball
- - Not Mario Kart
- - Not Jokes
- - Olive Garden
- - Applebees
- - Chilis
We asked if we could call Jonathan our “Director of Cash/Money“, but he wasn’t with it.
He says he likes WAP.
Warm, Affectionate, and Passionate people.
Good thing he works with the most empathetic person on our team, Richard.
- - Eating Spicy Things
- - Frugality
- - Eating Cheap Spicy Things
- - Romantic Comedies
- - Cardi B
- - LeBron James
Kelvin isn’t the hero KB deserves, but the hero KB needs.
Does anyone know where Kelvin truly is? No.
He may be at a pool near you.
- - Speedos
- - Mouth-To-Mouth
- - Seaweed
- - Cream Cheese
- - K-pop
- - Drinking Boba
Michael once competed in a KlientBoost health challenge. It wasn’t easy for him.
He likes to introduce himself as “Da Name Is Mike”, but we refuse to call him that, so his name is forever “Dana, Me Is Mike”.
He also doesn’t want to play 1-on-1 basketball with the CEO if it’s being filmed.
So sign the petition to film it here.
- - Leather Clothing
- - Leather Shoes
- - Leather Whips
- - Nuts In Cookies
- - Nuts In Salads
- - Nuts
For someone with a lot of Instagram followers, Evan gets horribly low engagement.
So why is she our Director of Marketing you ask?
Not sure, but we do know she’s vegan though – because she never stops talking about zodiac signs.
And no Evan, we didn’t get more leads because there’s a new moon solar eclipse in Sagittarius – please stop doing that pose too.
- - Eating Vegan Food
- - Eye Rolling
- - Overreacting
- - Running a Mile
- - Lifting Weights
- - Truly Anything Athletic
Being 42 years old, Melissa still drinks hot chocolate like it’s her job (double fisting).
Maybe that’s why she had to get all 10 teeth pulled at once?
Cavities obviously didn’t teach her anything.
Oh! She wears heels when going to McDonald’s.
- - Not Modeling
- - Loud Whistling
- - Disney Karaoke
- - Clothing Sales
- - Modeling
- - Creepy Documentaries
Making up half of the KlientBoost Cheetoh Girl Club, Aaron loves to bronze.
He tried tanning naturally, but he failed that like he failed a vegan diet.
When he’s not designing, you can find him dreaming of Tautvydas’ thighs while riding a horse.
He’s also a polydactyl.
- - Not Coleslaw
- - Bonus Finger
- - Not Going Vegan
- - Fancy Water
- - Interrupting People
- - Mornings
Casey’s the kind of psycho that honks at other cars for fun.
Being the leader of KlientBoost’s Boy Band, BoostyBoyz, Casey has a hard time escaping the limelight.
Does he want to escape it?
No, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to convince you to eat a rock.
- - Smoothie Naps
- - Not Reading a Room
- - Car Accidents
- - Slack Humor
- - Flavor of Love
- - Murder Mysteries
Emily says she can tell when people are lying to her, but she’s also the most gullible person at the office.
We’ll ask how that’s working out for her, and instead of answering, she pulls out her dog sticker book instead.
Weird right? We know.
She also paints her boyfriends toenails while he’s sleeping…
- - Dog Knowledge
- - Dreaming In Spanish
- - Not Cheese
- - Lactose Farting
- - Gossip Girl
- - Whips & (Dog) Collars
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Luke wishes he was French.
We still haven’t told him garlic bread originated in Italy, and not France. Help us keep it a secret, k?
- - Insulting
- - Airplane Tickets
- - Anything Ohio
- - Mitch's Smile
- - Milkshakes
- - Croque Monsieurs
Travis was once sponsored by NBA basketball star Corey Maggette.
In his younger days, Travis was apparently good at golf, so “good” he had to hunt for sugar daddies for financial support.
Did he ever make any of his sugar daddies money?
- - Coors Light
- - Eric Church
- - Mini Fridges
- - Ugly Tattoos
- - Golf Hats
- - Talking About Golf
Growing up in the poor streets of the Czech Republic, Shelby came to the US determined to be a pro baller.
She quickly found out that ball isn’t life, but instead that Czech meatballs are.
Now that hoops dreams are off the table, she tells us that she aspires to have as much drip as an A$AP Rocky Babushka.
But we hate to tell her that her salary might only allow her to look like a true babushka (with no dental insurance either. Gotta stay on brand).
- - Flaking On Friends
- - Slappin' Da Bass
- - Losing
- - Dumplings
- - Lacking "Drip"
- - Hannah Hanson
Regina is super good at pretending she knows what she’s talking about & then convinces herself she’s now an expert.
Like how she thinks it’s impressive to tell us she went to school with Jerry Rice’s kids?
Who gives a f***, Regina?
That ain’t no supa hot fire.
- - Instagram Stalking
- - Not Giving F***s
- - Morning Tequila
- - Afternoon Tequila
- - Dance Moms
- - Anything "Edible"
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Gold Pan Technique
Bread Crumb Technique
As the only person without health insurance at the office, Sara is proud that she has never run a mile.
So instead, we bubble wrap her on the daily and fill her up with unlimited orders of spaghetti from DoorDash (live feed of her current order).
Is it a good use of our resources? Yes.
- - Being Salty
- - Eating Salty Things
- - Drinking Salty Beverages
- - Having a RBF
- - DoorDash & Pasta
- - Instagram Sunsets
You’ve never met a more American person than Courtney.
She got her first boyfriend using the pick up line: “On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?“
And if driving with the top off your Jeep, blasting Taylor Swift, and eating Freedom Fries doesn’t immediately make you want to pet your bald eagle, then can you really call yourself a patriot?
Also, her shower curtain is the Declaration of Independence.
- - Pew Pew
- - Tae-Kwon-Do
- - Stick Shifting
- - Lychee Martinis
- - Mickey Mouse
- - Scented Candles
Grant looks like someone who just got released from county jail while being a kids basketball referee.
But you gotta commend him for going to the urinal while doing a photoshoot.
Never seen that level of multi-tasking before.
- - Losing Bets
- - Buffalo Exchange
- - Referee'ing
- - Ping Pong
- - Gambling Addiction
- - Sidecar Doughnuts
Tiffany doesn’t give a f*** about what you think.
How is she such a bad ass?
We think it has something to do with 60% of her body not being water, but La Croix instead.
- - Breaking Ankles
- - Making Others Laugh
- - Chocolate Chip Cookies
- - Trash Celebrity Gossip
- - Off-Brand Bejeweled Games
- - Cat Feet
With a first name that’s easy to mistake for a porn star, Divine is as laid back as humanly possible.
He told us that he might eat desert before dinner (sometimes).
Don’t get too crazy on us, Divine.
Keep it PG please.
- - Desert Before Dinner
- - Banana Splits
- - Machining?
- - Birds in Sky
- - Birds on Ground
- - Birds on Water
We Hit $10 Million In Annual Recurring Revenue
We celebrated the only way we knew how,
by getting on a boat and almost being arrested by the Coast Guard.
If there’s one thing you should never do with Richard, it’s watch Hotline Bling by Drake.
Richard loves music videos, but will tear them apart.
Similar to how he tears up the dance floor.
P.S. His first name is pronounced “RICH-urd”
- - Basque Cider
- - Uncooked S'Mores
- - Music Video Critiques
- - Empathy
- - Emotion
- - Empathy
Born and raised in Utah, Kimball got the short end of the stick when his LDS church sent him on a mission… to Salt Lake City.
Is he allergic to homemade tomato sauce and confetti?
They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
- - Weighing Food
- - Mimicking Foreign Accents
- - Slack Roasting People
- - Bad Eye Sight
- - Sitting Still
- - Potato Chips
For someone who’s insanely awkward, Lauren is insanely funny (sometimes).
She’s that quiet/weird type that just knows the perfect roast, but also holds back out of fear because the person might cry.
She says that she swam at the olympic trials, but we found evidence that wasn’t the case.
- - Roasting Others
- - Worming @ Parties
- - Shower Beers
- - Dad Jokes
- - Smirnoff Ice
- - Anything Alcohol
Being a retired professional driver, Alex sounds like someone who’s pretty cool.
But then he tells you his strength is that he can point out any car’s make or model.
And we’re like… Hold up.
Who can’t do that?
- - 7th Grade Science Fairs
- - "Good Times"
- - Holding His Breath?
- - Guy Fieri
- - Flavortown
- - Loud Exhausts
With a first name that was popular in the 1920s, Susy doesn’t let the haters stop her.
Bordering her 5th diagnosis of skin cancer because of her unhealthy love of the outdoors, Susy is surprisingly not a Patagonia rewards member.
But wanna know what is surprising about her?
Her felt hat shopping obsession started the global cardboard shortage.
- - Gilmore Girls References
- - Oreo Pudding
- - Anything Portuguese
- - Felt Hats
- - Interior Design
- - All-You-Can-Eat Sushi
Jamie Kimiko Judkins
You know that woman from Friend’s who has the obnoxious laugh?
Her name is Janice, and that wasn’t her actual laugh.
It was Jamie’s.
But we’ll give her a pass since she once bought Jason Momoa a beer at Portland’s airport.
- - Eating Desserts
- - Homeschooling
- - Driving Stick Shift
- - Literally Any Dessert
- - Dog Paw Smelling
- - The Great British Baking Show
Give Tori a subscription to anything viewable and you’ll be sure to:
1) Never see her again
2) Hear about what she saw
3) Watch the next episode with her
Known for her sub-par cooking skills, Tori attempts to channel her inner KlientBoost legend skills of Guy Fieri.
If you ask her how anything tastes, she instantly (and in a disappointing way) responds with this GIF.
- - Making Things "Nice"
- - Boring Celebrity Facts
- - Reality TV Wikipedia Editing
- - TikTok Wormholes
- - Reality TV eBay Deal Hunting
- - Cooking
Brian likes to start conversations by saying he’s really good at finishing three sides of a Rubik’s Cube.
Your brain makes you think that’s 75% of a cube, but that’s only, like, half-way.
Also, he cannot not start eating his dinner take-out while driving.
Which also mostly consists of Subway chocolate chip cookies.
- - Sitting In Showers
- - Rattlesnake Bites
- - Speedos
- - Anything Music Wise
- - Rubik's Cubes
- - Bread Rolls
Call him old fashioned, but Jaime’s guiltiest pleasures is taking photos.
Photos of what you ask?
We don’t ask those kinds of questions.
He says he’s had a NFC chip implant once, but he won’t tell us where it was on his body or what it did.
We’ll figure this out and report back.
- - NFC Chip Implants
- - Jurassic Weddings
- - Being a Girl/Boy Dad
- - Night Lights
- - REESE'S Peanut Butter Cups
- - Puppies